I held on. My story with racism and QAnon

My friend Jill (not real name), of almost 10 years, was one of my fiercest defenders.

To my face.

But she separated who I was to her with who I am when I wasn't there.

When her High School boyfriend, Bill (not real name) called me a 'beaner' to my face, she told him to stop. And later, when she threw me a birthday party, he came up to me and told me that Jill had given him a rule that he wasn't to "say any shit to piss Cassy off, it's her birthday."

Fine. I had had my shitty, racist, ex (his family were literally Klan members - no joke) and she could have hers.

After years of back and forth manipulation, breakups, a couple of STDs and literal cousin-fucking, they finally ended their relationship and Jill started going to therapy.

For a year, we were able to see eachother and talk and go through adult life together. I was married but that didn't stop me from hanging out when I could and the same for her.

Here's where things got complicated

Somewhere in the recesses of Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble, she found Bill 2.0. She didn't tell me that she had started seeing anyone. Odd but okay, I'd like to meet him.

We planned to go to a play with my parents in December of 2021 (they'd been together for months but I'd only found out a couple of weeks before that they were actually official, even though she brought him to my birthday in October).

Before entering the play, a covid test or vaccine and a mask were required. I recieved a LONG paragraph about how this was 'against her views' and on and on.

This did not feel like Jill texting back...

I said fine, let's go to lunch. During lunch, Jill and I went to grab drinks from a bar and stepped away from our partners. I got a message, saying that the program was cancelled due to a cast member testing positive for Covid. I was devastated. I had been looking forward to a performance for so long and now it was gone.

Jill looked at me and said "Oh... Oh! you should tell Bill 2.0!"

Act 1:

[Jill and Cassy enter, Bill 2.o and Cassy's partner are seated, leaving two chairs between for Jill and Cassy]

Cassy [sadly]: The show has been cancelled.

Bill 2.0: Woo!

Jill [smiling]: Why?!

Cassy [confused]: A cast member has covid.

Bill 2.0 [leaning over Jill]: HA!

End Scene.

Bill 2.0 spent the rest of the 2 hours spent together ticking off talking points for QAnon believers and constantly trying to make eye contact and pointedly asked me pointed questions. It felt as though he wanted me to be afraid of him, and I was.

Here's why I let go.

This week, Jill posted on Snapchat stories about LGBTQ+ youth being a term to sexualize children. She continued to attack the LGBTQ+ community equating them to pedophiles.

She continues to allow those around her to attack immigrant populations, LGBTQ+ community and 'liberals.' Now that she has taken on these talking points, I am no longer able to deny what she is. I cannot be her friend if she is not mine.

To end a decade of laughter, love and friendship is painful. had I written this with a pen, my writing would be illegible for the tears and quaking of my fingers.

QAnon's best tool is isolationism and I am disgusted with myself to say that it worked.